A familiar story with questions. II

[RR17]

So it's 4am on Saturday morning and here I am.

We went out for dinner with D14 and all is good. A little too good? IDK

I read these threads and my own post and the responses and I get the feeling that I'm making mistakes. Letting her back in too easy. For the most part, i had discontinued snooping. Minutes ago I was trying to get into her work laptop. She had told me the password last week and now it doesn't seem to work. IDK, could be I'm trying it wrong.

Could be I'm doing DB all wrong.

I'm just not spending thousands on a PI.

As I once again reread Sandi's threads and I am reminded "Resentment, Disrespect, and Rebellion"
And I need to read it all again. "Resentment, Disrespect, and Rebellion" these things all existed and I need to remember that. It's so easy to forget when W's behavior improves. I know they don't just go away.

I need to read it, yet I'm tired of reading all this stuff.

I hate that my feelings, my well-being is so attached to her minute by minute behavior.

I know GAL. It's not so easy when you feel you've had AL all along.
Do 180's, well if I knew what to work on I would. I have eliminated 99% of all complaining. I have maintained an upbeat attitude around her. I've been exploring meditation to ease anxiety.

Other than that I don't know what to do.