You are leaving the door open for her to give your crumbs and she's got you right back where she wants you.
Okay, then I tell her this: "Look, right now we're not a couple, there's no indication that we're working on becoming a couple again, and I'm not interested in acting like we are if we aren't. I enjoy spending time with you, but I really value and enjoy the time I am spending on my own these days, and I want to keep that time "on my own". If we decide to get serious about working on our R then maybe we can start doing some more things together but, for now, I want some time to be on my own." Or something to that effect.
Way too much R talk.
I'd go with something like this, "It was fun having you stop by the pub the last few weeks, but I realized that I want to keep my time there as solo time."
Of course, you can't stop her from coming by anyway, but if she does it again, I would find a new place that you don't tell her about.
I know you are torn between trusting that she has cut contact/is exploring whether the M will work for her and wanting to create more distance until she is definitely in on the M.
I think you should pick one path or the other and stop second-guessing yourself. Say you'll reevaluate in 3 months.
But regardless of which path you choose, stop having R talks outside of MC. They come across as pursuing and weak. Actions are strong.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
