The situation seems very stuvk at the moment. My wife is is very angry refusing to talk or see councellors even though I have found a very good couple eho are both experinced (both professionally and in overcoming personal traumas).
You've got to back off and quit pressuring her. Don't pursue counseling unless it's individual counseling for you. Don't do anything to talk her out of it, the more you do that the more convinced she is that she's doing the right thing. Because in her eyes, stopping it is what YOU want, not what she wants. So her perception is once again it's all about YOU and you are ignoring HER needs.
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How do I change thr situation and my wifes determination to go through with divorce.
You can't, and the more you try the more fixated on D she will become. Just leave her alone and focus on you. Become the best "you" that you can be. Think about who you were back when you met and get back in touch with -that- guy. Get in touch with old friends. Make new ones. Find things to do outside of the house (GAL = get a life).
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She seems to be sleep walking towards mediation (kust sorting out mechanicd of D) and be ptepared to do anything regardless of its impact on the children and hrrself). It seems to be impossible to break through her force field.
Don't help her push through D, but don't interfere with the process. If she asks you for info then provide it. But don't do anything you don't have to, leave it up to her. Even if the D proceeds, it's not the end. I have two good friends that reconciled after D, it happens.
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How can I break through and make hrr start to reconsider?
You can't directly influence her, but you can indirectly influence her. It only takes one to D, so you can't prevent it. All you can do is quit fighting her about it and focus on you. Often when we remove pressure from the WAS they often quit pursuing D. It happened to me and many others here.
4 months have gone by and the entitlement to decree is due 10th Oct 2017. My wife has refused to talk from day 1, has refused councelling and so far even mediation. I have done much to change myself. We still all live in the same house and this will remain the same as long as I can stay. My wife and now my daughter are treating me like dirt - criticizing everything I do. My children esp my 13 yr old daughter has already been severely damaged. My wife seems to be pulling the 2 younger children - 12 yr old boy and 13yr old daughter - way from me. My daughter is now incredibly disrespectful of me and very angry/bitter - in fact a clone of her mother, I am trying hard to maintain my self respect not reacting and not defending myself. I am am very fortunate to have a a very good Christian lawyer who understands that I do not want to get into the blame game/pushing away. What will it take for my wife to change her approach and see that the future can be better than struggling on her own with three children and that I love her and the children and want to put things right whatever it takes. What makes women change their minds in this circumstance. Is there anything that will shake her negative resolve. What caused any wives out there to reconsider and choose to reconcile.
Hi Luther, it's good to see you post again. I encourage you to post more often. When you go several weeks with no word, we think you've left.
The more you can tell us about the history of your M, the better picture we will have. Can you tell us more about the breakup years ago? When she says you didn't change, what changes did she want to see in you?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
