Still here. Still not detached...

[Treasur]

And so it would be "easier" if I moved out and she stayed in our house.
Easier for her...

I told her that I didn't believe her, and she admitted that she hadn't done any research on this but was merely restating information that she had gotten from "a friend". I also told her that her staying in the house and me moving out is unrealistic because she can't afford to live in our house.

Quite right

Finally I told her that I think SHE should be the one to move out. After all, she's the one who wants out of the marriage. She's the one who wants to remove herself from our family unit. She's the one who doesn't like our house and doesn't have any desire to take care of it. Plus, the house isn't worth anything so selling it is not an option either.

Right again. Grown-up logic.

She didn't respond to this.

Not what she wants, and she's having to think again because she thought you'd just roll over

I left the session extremely agitated and angry with her. As I sit here writing this, that anger has still not subsided. And my biggest problem is that I am caught up in the anger. I can't let it go. I realize that all of these negotiations need to be dealt with unemotionally, as if it were a business. But it's so difficult.

Your anger is reasonable. Use it as fuel, but don't let it bite you in the backside. Go running. Punch a bag. Get rid of the hot anger but use the cold.

As of now she's not talking about filing and we have both agreed that we will not get lawyers involved in these negotiations. But I don't know how long that can last. And I'm doing everything I can to avoid pulling funds from my retirement and my kids college funds to fund a divorce litigation.

Do you know what will make things better for you in the s/t? Do you want her out? In which case give her a timeline to make her own plan and tell her how much of the joint resources are available for her to use and for how long. Do you want to file or go for a legal separation if you can? In which case talk to a L. What is the benefit to you of this joint C right now? Is there any talk about your needs or the kids?

It's so funny to think that just yesterday this was the same woman who was crying to me on the phone about how she never wanted to hurt me and that she has done some "terrible" things. As it turns out these were probably crocodile tears to soften me for the discussion we had today. The good news is that I didn't take the bait, but still very hard to be level headed when you know you're being manipulated.

But you did anyway. Don't mind read, you can't know. These folks run on emotions which change with the wind. She will lie and feel sorry for herself and blame you and try to play you. You aren't dealing with a grown woman right now, but a child. All the more reason for you to be the adult and for her to learn from having to deal with adult consequences.