And if your h can hurt the people who loved him the most, and emerge unscathed, then he is not one to feel anything in depth. Or authentically.
And if he is haunted by what he did and simply won't ever tell you or tell anyone, then so be it. I mean, it's sort of either or. Maybe I'm only saying this to console myself (and I for sure am partly for that!) I have no secrets in my life.
I cannot make sense of this type of behavior in another way. Your h can have those haunted feelings every time there is a big event, good or bad. Graduations, weddings, funerals, and other life events, -
every time he has one big event only with his new life/new fan base, he knows it's not the "original" one. That it might have been with the "real" family, but for his choices...so he can have a life filled with second guessing.
And if you all share a family event with him, he will always be the one who left, who knows that he blew up the original family and - for what? Her greatness? Ugh...
or More money?? Oh wait, about that money, some of is what he withholds from you and the kids you share...
when the day comes that someone (you) actually calls him on it, it might be the first time it occurs to him that he's selfish and oblivious. Oh well.
But to be clear, there's a better than even chance he just won't go there at all - keeping his observations shallow. There is a good chance he cannot look deeply within and face the wreckage he created, and thus he must hide a part of himself even from himself.
I think the best second guessing is what he'll do when he knows you are happy and content.
Thank you 25 for this ^^^.
This is "stuff" is one of the pots that simmers on my backburner. All. The. Time.
It is incomprehensible to me that someone can be disconnected from themselves that they can look away from the carnage they have created. My therapists assures me there are those out there that do this and do it rather well.
The denial or self absorption or inability to reflect or lack of insight, whatever it is, runs so deep, as does the pain, that they just cannot do it.
I often wonder how this translates to other areas of their lives?
