T, I am glad you signed the petition. Please don't look back! Your L not being there is not a sign you should not file. The "signs" that you should file for D point to a resounding YES, DO IT, RUN, and DON'T LOOK BACK. He is a serial adulterer, he is financially irresponsible, he does not prioritize a R with his own kids, and he has no insight into himself or the consequences of his choices. Some may call it MLC--I don't care for that term myself--but this is what he is doing. This IS who he is. Do you want to be M to a person like this?
Does the strong, confident T want to be M to a person like this? Pining for who you thought he was is no longer serving you, it hurts you and holds you back. He is a selfish liar and cheater, and he can spend money on OWs but not his own kids? Please stop looking at old photos and holding onto the past (because that only depresses you) and really think about this. And if the answer is yes, you do hope he comes back, then my dear, maybe some IC would help you navigate these thoughts and emotions more clearly?
I am going to go out on a limb and say the unpopular thing here. Apparently that's what I do here. I say this not because I want to hurt you, but because I sincerely mean it. I hope your H moves on and does not try and come back to the M. Ever. He has proven consistently over time that he is not a good H, father, or person in general. I am sorry if that stings--and no I do not know him--but from everything you describe this guy is a giant, gleaming POS. He will do this again. You deserve better in this life. I want you to get to a place where you can see that.
I know right now you are hurting and holding on to what you thought things could be like. I feel your pain and for that I am so, so sorry. Him coming back or showing you remorse will not help you move on. You continuing to focus on him and his every move, will not help you move on. I think it is time to start moving on, not second guessing yourself. Why? Because things are going to get started with this legal and it's going to be hard. It's time to toughen up and protect yourself.
You have got to start thinking in terms of the bigger picture and what is best for you and the boys--financially and in terms of living and custody. My fear is that if you continue to focus on him and if he is coming back then that will derail you from focusing on what your goals are. I don't think the details of when you ask him to move out, or how much he is spending on his OWs, or if he is a BS talker to other soccer moms, wahhh wahhhh whhaaaa, matter as much as how we can get you a good deal here.
How can you stay focused and stay on track so you can get what you want out of this D? Please, please do not let him, his ridiculous actions, or your emotions interrupt this very important process.
Sorry, but I really, really, really don't like this guy ... Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
