I know you have so many conflicting thoughts and emotions right now. And the thought of doing all of this on your own is scary.
Here's my take on your sitch...
I think at this point, the only thing that might shake your H is by you filing for D.
Now, don't get your hopes up. This could very well be the end of the marriage.
However, I do feel certain that once you process the pain etc, and you no longer have to worry about tracking H's phone, email accounts, Amazon accounts, who he is with or what time he will be home from work, you will begin to get strong and happy again.
