Yes you did already ask, and I gave out what I could on this forum- I am VERY NEAR THE CAPITOL. But you did say that about November, and since my mom lives very near there, we will FOR SURE meet up while you're there. And I don't have answers about his moving out, etc., b/c I have not been in your shoes, but just know I am pulling for you, and have faith in your decisions. My son is in the medical field, and every time you mention that, I think of him. I think he is exactly your age. So I feel like your Mom. And that's OK. I am here for you. Others will help you with details about what to say and when (like Cadence, who will give you VERY specific lines- and I'm STILL not convinced she is not some kind of angel, or at the least, a hiding counselor.....or a mind genius) but they will guide you through this. Hang in there.
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
T, I don't think he will voluntarily move out. Mine is only out because I put him out twice. Had I not done that, I have no doubt he would still be here.
Try not to get overwhelmed by the big picture. Take it one step at a time. You know you need to file and protect the finances. Once you get your orders in place and things calm down you can survey the landscape. Just get through this part.
I left a message for the office. Hopefully they will get back to me soon.
Remember why you are doing this, this thing you don't want to do. You are doing it to protect yourself and your children financially and emotionally. That's the bottom line.
You need to do it in as detached a way as possible, so the work serving with no heads up makes sense. You don't know how he will react and I wouldn't try to mind read. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. All the wise things you have already planned like having your Dad there and the kids somewhere else. Maybe legally best if you don't change the locks yet but maybe have a bolt on the door so if he comes by, he can't just walk in?
If he does turn up...and he might not immediately, who knows...he is likely to ask you questions about two things - his possessions/money and the kids. (Sadly probably in that order if he is in MLC!) Do you know what you require him to do and by when? Have you protected some of the finances in case he does a retaliatory raid? Do you have a proposed schedule and plan for how he can see the kids while the D is progressing that will keep you and them safe?
And then OwnIt is right...once you get past this, take a deep breath and survey the landscape.
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
T, I'd say this is a blessing. It is so time to move on and separate yourself from him financially. He is a mess and will take all of you with him. I suspect that my H has been doing stuff like this but thankfully cannot see it.
Ya I have just been monitoring and tracking what I can for financial purposes... he doesn't know I have access to any of these things because I haven't shown any of my cards.
It's just honestly crazy. My dad just laughed (wish I was at that point to laugh) and said H is so predictable. He can't help buy school supplies because he's broke even though his paycheck last week was 3k.
I just hate that this is my life. I am so angry and disappointed in him.
Just keep in mind he has this crazy involvement with his boss and her daughter. Given the ridiculous choices he makes he could well end up losing his job over some of his antics and you have said you don't think he will make this kind of money elsewhere. Please move forward with conviction to protect yourself.
Dearest T, take this as an encouraging signal from the universe that a) your plan to file is absolutely right, and, b) that your children and his responsibilities are not his priority right now. It's shoddy but predictable. He is being a crap parent right now so even more reason for you to step up as the sane parent. (And keep the info in your records for when you get to the fighting about money bit, because MLC folks do seem to approach money like a 6 year old.)
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
Well the petition has been signed. He will be served next Thursday or Friday at work. I am very emotional and upset today. I have tortured myself with my Facebook memories of us because tomorrow is S6 birthday. I look at the life that I thought we had and the baby who will never know his parents together. Luckily the boys have been gone all day with a friend so I just have the baby to allow me to process what today will be.
I have so badly wanted to pick up the phone and call H and ask if this is really want he wants. I know not to. I am so upset and I know things are about to get worse once he's served. He has no clue it's coming. I feel sneaky and I feel bad for embarrassing him at work. I hate that I had to file. My attorneys plane was delayed so she wasn't in the office today so they offered to reschedule me and I thought maybe that is a sign that I'm not supposed to do this. But I went and met her assistant and just signed and left it at that.
I don't know how many different ways to say I don't want this. I know I can never take him back. This finality is so hard for me.
S9 came to me last night and for the first time cried about this and told me he was sad and asked me if daddy changed his mind about leaving sinc ehes staying at the house every night. He told me he doesn't want us to get divorced that even though he's mad at his dad he wishes he wouldn't want to divorce me. I kept it short and sweet and he seemed okay by the end of the conversation. I told him his dad would talk with him soon.
We are having a small pool party tomorrow at a friends for S6 birthday and I have not told h nor is he invited. Not sure how to handle that when he asks plans if he does. I'm probably just going to try and be gone before he's home.
One of the soccer moms called me last night on my way home from work. She said she wasn't trying to add gasoline to the fire but that H was talking to all the parents at soccer like nothing is going on. That he talked about our trip to NC like he was there. Saying how nice and relaxing it was and that we didn't let the boys have iPads or technology on the trip. I just laughed. He's delusional and so concerned about what everyone else thinks about him.
Do you want him, who he is right now? If he said he didn't want this either but didn't change his behavior, admit to his lies, ect., would you still take him back?
