Leah, I saw your post to me in the other thread so popped over, first I will say I am in no way a D expert! I consulted with a L during my D but I am in a different state (TX) so what applies here may or may not apply there.
Originally Posted By: leahsue
Also, I'm still struggling with the term "no-fault" divorce. I guess when I hear that, it makes me think that neither party is claiming that the other is in any way "at fault", but it's been explained to me that is not exactly true, that it's a misleading phrase. That if this were to go to court, for example, I could still claim that adultery caused the break up of this marriage (by H's own admission to adultery), and that the judge could choose to take that into consideration.
Here is what I was told about "no fault" states. In the old days, both parties would claim that the D was the other's fault and ask the court to find "in their favor". IE, they wanted more visitation, more money, etc. because the D was the fault of the other party. Here's the problem, let's say your H is having an affair. So you present that to the court as evidence that the D is his "fault". But then he comes back and says "well yes I had an A, but my wife NEVER had sex with me, was emotionally abusive and completely checked out as a wife and mother to our children." So whose fault is it now? You've heard the term "he said, she said" I'm sure, well that's where it comes from. The courts were bogged down listening to endless "evidence" and trying to decipher it to determine fault. In the end many states have said "you know what, we can't sort through all this stuff, so we're going to say that ALL divorces are due to BOTH spouses being EQUALLY at fault, so from now on we're looking at things strictly from a financial perspective."
So a "no fault" state has nothing to do with both spouses claiming the other isn't at fault, it is the STATE saying BOTH parties are at fault, and they won't even consider evidence that the D is one person's or the other's "fault". If you are in a no fault state then it is very likely that the judge will not consider adultery as an issue. It's not even on his radar. Now if you can present evidence of physical abuse that's another matter. That would be considered, especially in regards to visitation.
