Well the petition has been signed. He will be served next Thursday or Friday at work. I am very emotional and upset today. I have tortured myself with my Facebook memories of us because tomorrow is S6 birthday. I look at the life that I thought we had and the baby who will never know his parents together. Luckily the boys have been gone all day with a friend so I just have the baby to allow me to process what today will be.
I have so badly wanted to pick up the phone and call H and ask if this is really want he wants. I know not to. I am so upset and I know things are about to get worse once he's served. He has no clue it's coming. I feel sneaky and I feel bad for embarrassing him at work. I hate that I had to file. My attorneys plane was delayed so she wasn't in the office today so they offered to reschedule me and I thought maybe that is a sign that I'm not supposed to do this. But I went and met her assistant and just signed and left it at that.
I don't know how many different ways to say I don't want this. I know I can never take him back. This finality is so hard for me.
S9 came to me last night and for the first time cried about this and told me he was sad and asked me if daddy changed his mind about leaving sinc ehes staying at the house every night. He told me he doesn't want us to get divorced that even though he's mad at his dad he wishes he wouldn't want to divorce me. I kept it short and sweet and he seemed okay by the end of the conversation. I told him his dad would talk with him soon.
We are having a small pool party tomorrow at a friends for S6 birthday and I have not told h nor is he invited. Not sure how to handle that when he asks plans if he does. I'm probably just going to try and be gone before he's home.
One of the soccer moms called me last night on my way home from work. She said she wasn't trying to add gasoline to the fire but that H was talking to all the parents at soccer like nothing is going on. That he talked about our trip to NC like he was there. Saying how nice and relaxing it was and that we didn't let the boys have iPads or technology on the trip. I just laughed. He's delusional and so concerned about what everyone else thinks about him.
