You guys aren't going to believe this 5

[Sotto]

Hi Thornton, it sounds like you are doing as well as can be expected. Moving forward and a good direction of travel.

Wow, I can imagine that must have stung that she said that. From all that you post I think she sounds all over the place and I really wouldn't give it much headspace.

I was glad to read what you posted about how you feel. I think you are working with your feelings much more nowadays from what you post and that kind of progress is SO much more important than a possible reconciliation with someone.

Good for you and good luck with the job hunt - I'm excited for you! :-)

[Thornton]

Helo Friends,

Just checking in again.

I've been in a bit of a funk lately. Work isn't going well (new leader who seems intent on bringing on some of her old peers and letting some us regulars go) and I miss W and D like crazy.

I haven't heard from W in a while so it's not a by-product of us being contact. I just miss my partner and friend.

D started at her new school today and I wished her luck. It really just hammers home that this all real and I really am not her step-dad anymore.

I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety as I am uncertain how work will play out. It's scary to think there's a real world possiblity that I could be single and unemployed with not much to fall back on.

Perhaps Im just in one of the "5 phases of grief" or whatever but I seem to be struggling more than I have in the last 4 months.

Im trying to keep faith that everything will work out the way it's supposed to.

[leahsue]

Hey Thornton,
So sorry you're struggling right now. I think one of the hardest parts of any of this, is fear of the unknown future, and that person not beside us any longer to help shoulder a shared burden (or joy, for that matter.)
Hang in there. I don't have any advice, but just wanted to send a word of encouragement.
Also, my dr. prescribed some anti-anxiety meds just for short term, and it has really helped smooth off the edges of panic for me. Just a suggestion.

[EastTN]

D started at her new school today and I wished her luck. It really just hammers home that this all real and I really am not her step-dad anymore.

You don't call her SD, you call her D, right? And here you are wishing her luck in her new school, which means you're still talking to her (which also means that your W is letting you talk to her). You and your W aren't together, but you still have that relationship with D, and that fact that your W is allowing that implies that SHE recognizes that as well. Don't lose sight of that in your grief.

Work will work out, one way or another. Either you'll find a working relationship with new boss, or you'll find yourself a better boss to work for. Don't lose sight of THAT, either.

Hang in there, T.

[Thornton]

Leah, thanks.

I appreciate your response.

I think you hit the nail on the head. I don't have a partner to share my burdens with and tell me its going to be ok (or even help support me financially if it comes down to me being laid off). I have no one but myself to rely on and the "what if" thoughts can be crippling.

[Thornton]

East, thanks man. I truly value your posts.

[cadence]

Thornton, you're going to be okay. This process out is full of ups and downs. I think the grief hits like waves, and over time, hopefully the interval between the waves gets greater.

I am happy to see W has been silent. I know you'd prefer the other, but I think silence is better for you, and I think it's an opportunity for her to really improve, if she chooses to do that. It's clear to me that she really wanted you as a safety net, and I'm pleased you did not provide her that.

I'm sorry about D. That must be difficult. Remember the only thing that is final in this world is death. The school year starting feels like an insurmountable hurdle, but it isn't.

I am sorry to hear about your job instability. Thornton, DBing is tough stuff. I think you need to give yourself credit for your character and resiliency and know that you will be fine no matter what happens. Not everyone can do what you've done. You are stronger than you know.

Little consolation, I'm sure, but just keep reminding yourself of that. Remember that the strongest relationships aren't when you need someone, but when you don't need them and only want them. Be your own best friend and safety net; once you can truly do that you'll be in better shape for a lasting healthy relationship.

[Ginger1]

I understand you missing your partner. You have always had one and it is really an adjustment. I'm onto 9 years with intermittent dating and 2 short term R's. I lost 2 jobs over the course of 9 years and I have a 10 year old. It was scary as all heck.

You know what? I came out of it all. When I thought I might not be able to take it anymore, I did.

Do you have friends, family, anyone you can talk to? It doesn't always have to be a partner. You see an IC, right? My IC is one of my favorite people to talk to about my struggles. She is validating, complimentary, and gives me coping skill. I look forward to seeing her.

I echo what cadence said. You are more than a safety net and I am glad to see you are valuing yourself. And triple ditto on the strongest relationships aren't when you need someone, but when you want them.

Your best days with yourself are still yet to come.

[Sotto]

Hi Thornton, I've been off the forum for a little while, but I always check in on you!

I'm sorry you've been in a bit of a funk lately. This process is cyclical and there are easier phases when we really feel we are moving forward. Then tougher ones, then easier again. You'll get there and you'll appreciate the positive things in your life all the more for these more difficult phases.

Now then - this phrase - "I have no one but myself to rely on and the "what if" thoughts can be crippling."

I think trusting in yourself and having confidence in your own abilities and experience is a gift you should give to yourself. You are a unique individual with many talents and things will unfold as they will. And you will be just fine whatever the outcome. If you can know this and know it at a deep level, that is a great blessing.

I'm sure you will get there. For me, forward movement really helped. Any time I would feel stuck, I would ask myself, how can I move forward here? And I would take a tiny step towards that. It takes time, but we all get there and you will too.

I agree about the comments posters have made about your SD. Your R with her is different to that with her Mum. I have not seen or heard of XH in (I don't even know how long!) But I do keep in touch with SS. SS said to me recently - meh, anyone else my Dad meets is just my Dad's GF - not my second Mum! I was so touched by that and I think of it often.

Take care my friend and get out on that bike and in your canoe :-)

[25yearsmlc]

Hey Thornton

yes as Ginger and Sotto have said, its a big deal to be our own safety nets.

One author wrote that "we either waste our lives waiting to be rescued - by no shows, or we rescue ourselves."

Thornton, could a job search or just brushing up your resume, help you feel less uncertain?

Hang in there