During our sessions she tells the counselor that I'm her best friend but she wants to leave me because there's no passion, I'm not fun and our life is too routine.
Sounds like she's an adrenaline junkie. Maybe like Acc suggested, you can lean a little more in that direction? You want to attract her back, it sounds like that would be a good place to start. And who knows, you might find you enjoy it!
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He proceeds to tell me to stop trying to please my wife because it's not working and is actually pushing her away. He wants me to only do things that I want to do. Stop doing things to please her and stop fishing for compliments. He said he is going to teach me how to detach from her.
That's actually some very sound advice and very much in line with DB'ing.
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After reading a few codependency books, they all seem to say that the codependent is in love with a narcissist and that they must get away.
Ha! You've got to love it when things are stated so black-and-white. We're all codependent in marriage to some extent, that doesn't mean our spouses are all narcissists and that we need to get away from them.
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Is my counselor trying to tell me to get away from her?
You want a C that is aligned with your goals. If he suggests you need to D her, then drop him and find another C.
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How should I handle the Mrs wanting to hang out as friends? She asked me if I wanted to go see a movie with her tonight.
If you want to go and can go with no expectations, then go have fun!
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With that said, I do 90% of all household work because she was working so much.
But she works part time now? STOP DOING ALL THE HOUSEHOLD WORK. That's beta behavior and not attractive. She's telling you she wants you to be more adventurous and less boring, for god's sake stop washing dishes and doing laundry! You're not going to die if you let the clothes pile up a little. Let it go, and if she complains then remind her that she's the one with the part time job and that you're not her servant. Then tell her you're meeting some friends and go have a beer somewhere.
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Then she usually goes on a tantrum saying things like you can't help me, nobody can and I need to clone myself.
If you're doing all the chores, then what it is she's talking about needing help with? Seems like there's some piece of the story missing here. Just curious.
