Wow! Thank you everyone for the input! I read the thread on pursuit/distance. The more I learn on this site the more questions I have.
So...should I be the one to separate?
Currently she is not in a play and started back at work that she loves. She also has a psych apt in Sept. I'm hoping that she will re-calibrate and shake herself out of this. Also, even though she has been unfaithful emotionally, it is not a specific person. Her last crush didn't really return her attention and has moved to another city for other reasons. He no longer in the picture. Her unfaithfulness is more about wanting to act single and hit on guys. There is no single object of desire.
Let me clarify some. Since the last counseling session, I have been much better and she has noticed the improvement. I have not argued one time.
I understand I need to not be overly romantic and should be somewhat distant, however, I cannot completely detach yet as we are still together. She still says she loves and we are having sex again. Friday night date came out of counseling and something she wanted to do. She is paying for it and I am setting it up. I feel like I cannot cancel that, so:
How do I handle the date night?
Right now I'm so confused, I guess I'm playing it safe. I don't want to give her an ultimatum (i.e. quit the theater life and open your phone) as that would push her out the door. On the other hand, I don't want her to perceive me as weak either. I could go full detachment mode if she said she wanted to separate, but right now that's not the case.
I guess I will just continue to be nice and polite. Be loving without pursuing. Go on dates without being needy. It's kind of a middle ground area that is going to be hard to navigate.
