We are still not separated. She wants reassurance that I will not leave her down the path. I told her that I was 100% committed to making things work and I have no intentions on leaving her.
You mentioned she's bipolar, is she BPD (borderline personality disorder) as well? My GF is to some extent and she has a constant fear of me leaving her even when there's no reason at all for her to think that, I have to constantly give her reassurances.
Quote:
We are going on a date Friday night. She is upset that I started smoking again (we quit years ago), so I'm going to quit. It's a nasty habit anyway.
Good, quit and show her a 180 on that right away.
Quote:
I'm very confused on what to do because she hasn't separated or left yet. She says she wants to work things out, but I'm more concerned after reading this forum. It doesn't "feel" like she does and I'm afraid she stringing me along.
Most of the advice on here is what to do after she leaves.
What do I when we are still together??
A lot of people here are still under the same roof, the advice is much the same either way. The approach changes when you get to the "piecing" phase, but the big trigger for that is when the WAS announces that they want to work on the M. I don't think you're there yet. Your W is saying that she's not totally checked out, but she's not saying she wants the M yet.
Quote:
We have drifted apart and she blames me for yelling and name calling, which is unfortunately true.
That's a good focus for a 180. Seek out IC if you need help on recognizing your triggers and finding ways to refocus your negative energy so you're not taking it out on her. She may see you going to IC as a huge positive step.
Quote:
I have resent the fact that she parties with her new friends in "running lines" or cast parties.
Why do you resent that, is it because of the EA stuff? You both should have GAL activities that don't involve your spouse. You should give her time for GAL and she should do the same for you. If you're upset that she doesn't give you enough notice, or doesn't tell you how long she's going to be out or whatever it is, then sit down with her and work out the details. Tell her that you want her to enjoy herself, but you would just like more notice, or for her to text to let you know how long she'll be out or whatever it is that'll make you more comfortable with it. Especially given the EA stuff you discovered, she should be willing to keep in touch with you so you have reassurances that she's not doing anything improper.
Quote:
The counselor told me my wife was 99% out the door and I had to focus on me to make the marriage work.
Ask your W is she sees any value in the MC. Usually when a WAS is 99% done then you shouldn't even go to MC because it makes things worse instead of better.
