Leah, part 4

[leahsue]

My S35 is here for a few days and I got the first push-back about my decision to hold off on filing. While he makes it clear he will support me either way, I think for him, it's more about - why NOT just go ahead and file, get some things legally in place, THEN see where a new R goes.

Late yesterday, I got a call from the friend who was trying to get me in to see the local "best" attorney, who is of course going to cost me a huge retainer. She has gotten me an opportunity for an appointment, and I need to decide whether to take advantage of this while it's here. There may not be a window open that long to see this particular attorney.

I think if I make the appointment, go in and see him, he's going to call BS if I'm undecided about filing. He stays booked up for months in advance. I need to be sure what I want to do before I go in for an appointment. On the other hand, if I let this chance pass, then decide in 2 weeks or a month that I need to file, I may not get the chance, at least with this attorney. Not to mention the favors a couple of people have called in to get me this appointment.

I've thought maybe I should go ahead and call him today, but ask to set an appointment up for a month from now, which will give me a little more time to closely examine my motivations for what I actually want to do.

Clearly, I'm very conflicted this morning about what to do. If it were only whether to file or not, without the added pressure of seeing this particular attorney, I think I would hold off for a little longer. And it may turn out that I didn't even need an attorney this strong or expensive. Without knowing what H's reaction to my proposal is going to be, or how much he will fight me on the terms, it's so hard to know whether to go for this "bulldog" attorney, who has the reputation for going for the jugular, and possibly over-paying for a divorce, that could possibly be obtained for a much smaller amount of money. My friend keeps saying, why pay to kill a gnat with a hammer when it would be just as dead with a fly swatter? And that makes sense, unless H comes out with guns blazing and calls in his NYC attorney friends and running buddies (and some scary ones at that)..... then I'm not sure a fly swatter is going to do the trick.

Any thoughts would be helpful, just so I'm sure I'm looking at every angle.