Get over your hill and see what you find there

[leahsue]

Treasur,
I love your list of the good things. I'm copying some of them down for my own notes to remind me, that whichever way I go in deciding to file or not file, there are pros and cons both ways. I'm struggling over the last 24 hours with whether to just go ahead and pull the plug, file, then see whether we have anything to build a new R on is really there. So far, people have been supportive in my thoughts to wait, with the exception of my S35. He wants me to be protected, and I think a tiny part of him wants to see me file, just to make a statement- "You cannot treat me this way for 7 months, and I will not live with you openly seeing other people." All valid points. In some ways, I think it'd be easier if he would file, rather than my having to make the decision.

I don't think for those of us with Vanishers, the "how did this happen/how could they" will ever go away. Lessen maybe, grow fainter, maybe. But maybe never go away. I think we just have to make room for that to sit in a corner of our head/heart, not feed it, and let time remove some of the sting.