Hello Glenn, welcome to the forums! Wow, it sounds like your W is going through something, I don't know if it's MLC, she's young for that, but it could be. That guy doesn't exactly sound like a great catch, but then again it's not uncommon for a WAS to "affair down". Maybe this guy is giving her the kind of attention she felt she was lacking in the M, that is one of the reasons they "affair down" is that a less desirable person is so happy to have someone out of their league that they will lavish them with attention. I think her calling him "her best girlfriend" may point to him being there emotionally for her like a girlfriend would, so that may have been lacking in the marriage? If you haven't read DR then do so, it'll help. Also read the 5 Love Languages, it'll help you understand things you could do differently to communicate to your W in her "love language".
If you don't want the D then don't do any work on it yourself, leave it up to her. Often when the LBS removes all pressure and quits talking about D, the WAS will put it on the back burner indefinitely.
Just based on your description it sounds like your W is firmly in the limerence stage with her affair partner. The best thing you can do is just leave her alone and give her time and space. You can't "nice" her back, so don't pander to her and do her favors. Just pull back, work on you, show her what she is missing with you.
