Two years ago my brother (would have been incarcerated for life, no parole) died suddenly in his sleep. Autopsy revealed no known cause and it was chalked up to "accidental death." Initially I felt nothing. He and I were very close, I wrote him weekly and he responded. His absence took a long time to register for me. It was the little things at first, I almost mailed him a letter a week after he died as it had become a part of my routine. I kept that letter for a year before I disposed of it. Then I would think of something I wanted to tell him and a smile would start to form then suddenly...oh...yeah.
That emptiness is still there. I have tried to lessen it. I have read little sayings about memories keeping him "alive" and in the end I just had to embrace that this would never go away. And that's ok. When someone we love dies we have to respect that grief. While the intensity may lessen it will never vanish. Honor yourself and your pain, honor the bond you had with your mother and do what you need to do to get through this incredibly tough anniversary.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
