Oldtimer 4 years and counting

[Citygrl]

Thank you for responding Treasur. I feel like I am so behind in my story because it has been so long and I just started posting. Along the way there have been ups and downs and times of hope and despair. One thing I never admitted to friends or family is that I had given myself the five year MLC deadline. I know I could get hammered for admitting that even here but I had heard so many stories of the MLCer seeing the light after five years. The divorce papers came sooner so now I am moving forward. I also use his brother as a benchmark since he is about six months ahead of my husband although different MLC circumstances and he is still a mess.

I have read all the info and books and have taken onboard GAL and do in some sense count myself lucky that he is a walk away as where I fail in GAL he won't notice. Last year I pushed the boat out and took an exotic vacation. Sadly, it did remind me that so many people are coupled up or have families with whom to travel. I am really good being by myself but am also very social; so, don't think I will repeat solo trip.

I think I need to start a new page and come up with some new goals so I have a plan about moving back, getting a new job, place to live, etc. It is daunting as it is a balancing act of finances. Since I haven't worked in 13 years I will have to pay up front for an apartment and probably cannot get a mortgage without a job., worried about retirement savings..... those are the things that keep me up at night and leaving my darling loveable pets who hate change more than I do.

Feel like I am rambling. Am scared at what I will find with his financial disclosure. He has been spending and now it looks like mediation not an option as I cannot trust him.

I have always been fiercely independent and supported myself. I finally took the leap into marriage only to have it end so crazily. I do know I will survive and get through it and will be fine, even if I am poor as a church mouse.

While I am on my roll, will also say that I feel so much shame in my failed marriage. I don't know why. That is why it is mega more bad that I was fired fro my marriage and never had an opportunity to make it work. I had no reason to believe my marriage was in jeopardy. My friends and family all support me and when I ask if there were things about my husband other could see that I couldn't, they all say no. They thought he was great, I was great we had a great marriage.

So many questions and no answers provided by husband.