WW, wlc, Waw or What?

[Btrow]

Just venting

Crazy wayward foggy no-thinking mindset apparently goes on and on and on...

So just checked my bank accounts via the app today. Stumbled across the kids accounts which all suddenly had a balance of 0.... (not that there were a lot of money there before, a total of $6-700 combined on the three accounts) I could see that XW had moved it to a different bank, yesterday. I quickly texted her that I thought it would have been polite to inform me upfront, of a decision to change to a different bank.

We don't use those accounts for anything, we normalt just deposit whatever cash gifts the kids get for their birthdays. Never withdrawn anything neither of us. I honestly don't care what happens with that money but I would like to have been consulted first. The longer I waited for a reply, the more angry I got. Finally she texted that she had swapped bank and that it was easier for her... But she was sorry and had no intentions of spending the money (that I actually do belive, allthough believe nothing...).

And she offered to return the money and split it 50/50 so that we both can have our own accounts for the kids. Later tonight I'll politely text her to return half and inform the bank that she no longer need access to those accounts.

So. Is she not thinking at all? Or was it her way of informing me that she now uses the same bank as OM (we have used another for 20+ years) or was she just plssed that I took D4 to toysrus and let her spend the $50 cash she received 2 months ago on her birthday, as opposed to deposit them. (I have a much bigger family than her so more gifts from daddys family, both cash and toys, maybe she was annoyed that she couldn't eventually use half of D4 's money for D4 toys at XW' s place). Nevermind. Back to me.

I realised a couple of days ago that I was nowhere near "proper" detachment yet, now 8 months in.. I had the kids for 3 weeks and gave them a blast of a summer holiday. Went abroad, spent 7 days at an amusement park, 4 days of camping and finished of with 2 days at another amusement park (here in Europe) before returning home to a week of relaxing holiday in our home. Anyway, overheard D10 tell D8 that they will go camping for 3 days with their mom. D8 asked "just the 4 of us?" D10 discretely whispered "and OM". Obviously for daddy not to hear. Felt like a punch in the stomach (OM never spends the night at XW when the kids are there, so they must be stepping up). I have no idea why she didn't want daddy to hear. I have never expressed any "emotions" regarding OM in front of the kids.

That's when I decided enough is enough. I have been terrible at GAL, but the time is now. Better late than never. Thought I could manage my emotions without any particular effort (I, among others, gave LC a hard time regarding GAL in his thread, but soo much easier to advise others than to do it yourself, but that is where I found my inspiration). So I decided to join the gym again (last visit 23 december..) and have gone two days in a row now.

Also decided to start going to the shooting range (is it called rimfire rifles in english?) Some .22 caliber rifle, 15 meter range (50 meters in the summer,outdoors) . Used to go in my early teens and enjoyed it back then (was quite talented ...). When I told the kids that I was joining the shooting club in my kids free week but obviously couldn't go when they are with me, their reaction was "us too us too us too please please". So it seems I'm taking D8 and D10 to go shooting with me .

So now I have: running, the gym, shooting and off course, my weekly bridge night. I'm slowly getting better right? Normally when I hand the kids over to XW I'm down for a couple of hours, but this time I went straight to the shooting range, followed by 75 minutes at the gym and a 30 minute run when I came home. First time in 7 months I didn't feel the slightest sad after handing over the kids. This GAL thing actually works....

PS: not sure I ever want that woman to come "home" but I so desperately want that R with OM to die.....