Well, my case is by no means "special" in the sense of being untypical, but is unsettling--at least to me, and a painful ordeal to our family. If fact reading postings, I can identify the same issues in some 30-40% of them, W almost exact words expressed by other WAS. Aren't we all pathetically alike for individual reasons?
In a few days will be our 11th Anniversary. We have two children in common (S10, D7); and two older children from my previous marriage living with us.
About five days ago she left to "find herself" and think about us. She suffered anxiety attacks before we met and is afraid she will fall back into it if she stays home, uncomfortable, arguing. It is not the first time she considers leaving, but it is the first time that she implements her exit successfully (like in two previous occasions she decided to stay).
We were currently living in CA. During the previous three months, we were apart from one another for work/study (half of that time I was away working, and the other half she was in FL studying). During that time we argue (I was jealous and complaint that she spend much more than needed, etc).
She got angry that I continue to be jealous, and said that if I cannot trust her after all these years she is not willing to stay in this relationship (more or less). For about a month she was home, living separated, embracing a 100% negative view of me--"damn if you do, damn if you don't" kind of thing. She was going to leave the house at the end of July, then postpone it, and then changed her mind again. So I stay in Cali with our son and she drove to FL taking our little daughter. She says that she will be back to visit in December; but doesn't want to give me any certainty of what she will decide... work on the marriage or D.
During the first weeks I begged, reasons, etc. You know the story. Then placed the house of sale to give her half of the proceeds ("proving" her that I love her more than money, and got her a new car to take to FL.) I suppose are all wrong decision I made out of desperation, trying to make a point. In any case, it will make D easier if it comes to that.
I am aiming to detach and keep GAL, but up to what point can I detach? I think is detachment from her, OR, keeping business for the sake of children. For them, we will need to be in frequent touch, FaceTiming, etc. I have the S with me; she has our D.
I don't have certainty if there is an EA or otherwise going on; but things don't make total sense to me. The "reasons" don't sound very sound to me. But of course, she operates based on her own perception of reality that matter, not mine.
By the way I am a service-member and one of my main consideration right now is if I should volunteer for deployment (some 7 months depending on where I am sent) or seek an oversees assignment in order to distance myself (usually some 3 years). In such cases I will need to leave in her custody our S. If she reconsiders, the family could reunite oversees. But… I am trying to think these potential options I wouldn't like to mess it up even more, trying to "fix" things up again.
I have been reading DR, and talking with a DBing coach, and reading these forums. I will appreciate tips and you accompaniment during this journey.
