Oldtimer 4 years and counting

[Citygrl]

I know it sounds crazy but I would like my husband back. I guess one reason I have held onto hope for so long is that every once in awhile I get a glimpse of the man he used to be not the 13-year old teenager. These occasions usually coincide with a serious conversation regarding his lifestyle. I know some of his darkest secrets and challenges and have always tried to be supportive. I wish he would seek help and on occasion he has said he will but after we speak the relief of opening up goes away and he shuts down and runs.

On the other hand, he filed for divorce, does not contact me, is with OW2 (which no one understands) and will say he wants to be amicable and go to mediation and agrees to my lawyer's terms and then I get blindsided. So, I am now trying to protect myself and prepare for a big move and new career and leaving my beloved pets. I think they are the only reason I have not moved back to the States. Going dim or dark doesn't seem to affect him. Don't think he notices. It is easier to run away.