Oldtimer 4 years and counting

[Citygrl]

Have been reading for years and posted once yesterday on someone's thread;so, decided it was time to jump in. I will try to keep it short but I have A Lot of time under my belt.

My story is typical MLC and WAH, if that is possible. At 41, I moved overseas to be with my husband and marry, thus giving up my career in the city to live in the remote countryside. I am very isolated here and have made friends but I think without children and with a lack of amenities, that part has been my biggest struggle. I was very social and had many friends before. My husband co-owns a company and although he is the extrovert and very likeable has very few (1 or 2) friends who live hours away and after MLC not really close. That said, we did socialise and travelled extensively. Otherwise, life was good and he was my best friend and we laughed a lot and I thought really truly loved each other. I guess that is why I am still here. Getting my head around waking up one day and life having been blown up with a new alien husband who is crazy. That is the hardest part. If we had grown apart or fought all the time I would find all this more accepting.

His seemingly loving family imploded when his brother started having a really unbelievable unseemly affair. Then my husband became entranced with his employee (half his age) over bonding about his brother and full blown MLC started. He has never been able to sit down and discuss our marriage or what happened. When his brother's affair came to light pre BD, we talked and I asked if we were ok, etc., and he assured me of how much he loved me and he would never do what his brother did and he was sick about it. A few months later, everything had changed.

Over the course of four years I have come to understand a lot about MLC and husband tics so many boxes, especially childhood traumas (brother dropping dead, friends deaths, and most insidiously--a sexual abuse encounter-which seems to be at the core of his arrested development) plus the family was in crisis and no one seems to have any of the needed tools in their tool boxes for coping.

Now me, no I am far from perfect. Could have communicated more and pressed him about some of my dissatisfaction but instead tried to suck it up and concentrate on how lucky I was to be in a happy marriage and if living where I lived was the worse part of my life, I was lucky. I was married late and was very happy with my life prior to meeting husband. People would often comment on how happy we were together. We did bicker but rarely had big arguments. We couldn't have children so the stress of kids was not there and we were financially sound. We had other struggles and the normal ebb and flow of married life. When I discovered his affair and confronted him, I thought he would end it and we would repair our marriage and I told him to leave. (My biggest regret.) thought he would break off affair as she was already engaged but no. He left, and in a very immature lame way tried to commit suicide (horrible to say but like teenage antics, took aspirin and texted her). There was never any true danger. And the roller coaster was on.

Please don't judge me too harshly, I was trying to quickly give background. I am really here as I feel I need support and divorce proceedings have started. Am not sure if husband is playing me, has a mean crappy lawyer, or is just so checked out he doesn't care.

I have a mediation appointment tomorrow which is preliminary. My lawyer sent letter to his and have no idea if that info was passed on to husband or if he is just avoiding it. If he doesn't go it will get kicked to court and cost us a fortune. Not sure if I should acknowledge the appt and let him know after the fact as that would send message that I am now moving forward with everything. Have been waiting for his financial disclosure since March in a divorce that he filed without notice. I am worried as he agrees with me over the telephone and his lawyer does something different and then he says he wants new lawyer and he told his lawyer not to file Decree Nisi but he filed anyway... which is possible but the MLC liar is also very possible. So, wish me luck and I hope my posts become more coherent to readers. I do really lean on this site for guidance and it has gotten me through the worst of times. I am so grateful.