Learning, Growing, Healing

[CaliGuy]

I know for a fact that my MLCer is going to have a sh$tty life. Not sure what I feel about that. A little pity, a little schadenfreude, something.

Cali...great post on the greener grass. I also agree with Own on the fact that even though she was sad about ruining her marriage, she was the victim in it all. Yes she was sold a bill of goods by the OM,

CaliGuy - thank you for sharing that post. I find it really helpful. I feel guilty for saying this, but there are time when I do want my H to be miserable. To punish him? Maybe. To make him feel regret/remorse? Perhaps. Retribution? Yea, a little.

All three of you have touched on something I have been kicking around a bit, I have seen it discussed elsewhere and have even talked it over with some 'surviving' LBH's of MLC.
I think in a strong way its validation we seek. We have lived this nightmare for years .. not just days/weeks... years. Hearing and seeing the MLCr put on that front they are happy and better off without us leaves a mark regardless if they truly are happy or not it makes us question ourselves and our marriage down to the core level as MLC has a wonderful way of flipping ones life/marriage/family on its ear leaving all those effected grasping for answers.
For me I have let go but I too find myself a little more happy when I hear she had a bad day or seems sad ... and a touch more somber when she appears all giddy ... even now it does have an effect on me but like all things in this its less and less powerful as time goes on.

wow Cali that Christy and Hank story is sad. I hope Hank came out of it a better person and moved on to happiness.

Its a shame Christy only broke free after Jerrys death.
All so sad and messed up.

as per your sitch,, divorce is welcoming. Mine went through last year and it was a relief to be no longer tied to my XW.
You are at a great place.

of course the initial shock of seeing those final papers hits you, only because we never imagined it ever happening this way. We thought life was great, happy mirage, kids, house, family. This MLC, no one should be married to them in this state. They need to be alone.

Keep your path, i followed you from the beginning of my arrival here. So glad I did.

take care

Irish ...Thank you. I ponder if I would be further along had divorce happened quicker .. but as in all things they happen when they are supposed to happen and as I touched on I honestly believe we both need this to move forward.

What a sad story about Christy and her choices, and one I hear over, and over, and over again. Part of me wonders if their regret isn't so much about the people they left, the lives they shattered, but that it didn't play out the way they hoped. I still see so much selfishness in the stories, but being on the other side, I may not be able to see it any other way.

Cali, you sound solid and I am so happy to hear that. Being in the place of acceptance can be so helpful in dealing with the crazy, such as the settlement proposed to you. Good for you for standing up for yourself.

M

M ... I still see you as my DB-sis ... so glad to see you around and so many here could learn a TON from you.

Cali, I'm very curious if you know what happened to "Hank"??

bttrfly

Honestly I have no idea. Not alot of people are still around from back when all that happened, the tidbits I got were all those pieces of information that simply confirmed more that it was MLC, Christy lost a sister, the M was on the rocks for a few years leading to this, he was a solid guy and floored when it all went down ..... things we all can relate to. At this point I hear he is doing well but could not tell you if there is anyone in his life or not.

I found the story just as you all did ... one we hear about often and not sure if that's to give people hope or as some of us have had to learn, the hardest lesson, how long this stuff takes. I know for me I had to learn some very tough lessons along the way and could not have learned them any other way than going through this crisis, I am stronger and better for it and continue to try to learn from it all to be better.