I wonder what would happen if after she said "But I never said I wanted to leave" instead of becoming frustrated (which I totally understand why you would feel that way) that you could say something like "but you kind of choose to leave by being involved with OM" OR less threatening say "I don't want you to leave either and I don't want a D either but I cannot accept you continuing your A with OM"
Not saying she is not sincere when she said "I want you to work with me work on this divorce process." but we know we cannot trust anything they say and half of what they do.
I would let her take the lead on the divorce process but offer to support her in that process. Unless you really want to be done then of course you can take the lead.
But something tells me that there are two people who are desperately trying to make it work but instead of coming closer they do exactly what needs to happen to further the gap. I could be wrong.
