I spoke to soon ...or maybe not .. have had an overthinking moment but it lost its intensity quickly after a sharp duh, come on girl, get a grip conversation with myself.
So this is what has happened - I got home last night and s21 said he needed to talk to me. He told me that he wanted to give me notice that he and g/friend have decided to move to his dads town (on the South Island) staying with h until they find jobs and have saved enough to rent a place of their own. I asked if this was his d suggestion and s21 replied that h was keen for him to move his way saying that there are more job opportunities and of course he would like to see more of him.
At first I thought "that's ok, h will have to put up with paying to keep them for a change, ha ha, wonder how long that will last" but then on thinking about it further, especially after the latest conversations we have had on my thread, I started to question h motives and the overthinking crept it - so, what is his game? Is he hoping this will get a reaction out of me, enough to contact him about it, making the first move and breaking the silence between us? He knows very well that I wont live on the opposite island and so far away from both my s, so will move nearer to them, which gets me on the same island as him; is this a him regaining control tactic?
Or, is this simply just a dad wanting to have his s near him and did not think about the affect it would have on me as I am no longer a feature in his thoughts or cares.
As I wrote earlier, overthinking craziness and actually who cares, it does not matter what or why h has instigated this move, it only matters what I decided to do, for me. So nothing has changed as far as my plans go, actually it benefits me as I will rent somewhere smaller and be able to save more towards my house and then when I buy next year it will be near both of my s so I dont have to worry about leaving one of them behind.
Its an example of the affect he still has on me, the ability to raise a reaction despite all the time apart, but its also an example of how much I have changed in how I deal with challenges as in the past I would have been action before thinking, which only ever ended in tears.