25yearsMLC - 10 yrs Later I File D (pt 5)

[leahsue]

Dear, sweet, giving 25,
I have thought all day of anything I could say that would make today more bearable for you. I've read encouraging little "sayings", listened to motivational podcasts, cast about for anything that might bring a smile or a moment of comfort to you. I came up empty-handed. And here's why I think that is.....

Because for some things, there just are no words. If I could come to you IRL, I'd sit by the fire, or the pool, or the ocean, with you, and we could just sit together. My daughter calls it "holding space" for one another. I can do that from here in my living room, but not in a way that you can know. So all I can think of, is to share with you a passage from one of my favorite books, and another from a source I cannot even remember, but one I copied down in January, through my tears, on one of my darkest days. Not to comfort you, or make you feel like laughing, or even happy, but to let you know, that I GET IT. The pain, the loneliness, the fear of the future, the sting of rejection, the sadness of what might have been.

"Is there anything I can do?"
"No."
"Is there anyone who's helping you?"
He looks up. "There's nothing to help with. That's what's so hard. There is only her absence. I suppose it's like an illness that I'll have for a while. When I wake up in the middle of the night...I can't tell you what it's like. I have this tiny moment of not knowing what's wrong. And then this overwhelming....." He stops, attempts a smile. "It's so quiet, real grief. I guess I didn't know that."

And the other one- a Korean word "han"- no literal English translation-
"a state of mind, of soul really; a sadness, a sadness so deep no tears will come, and yet still, there is hope"

Holding space for you, my friend.