T, I'm sorry you are hurting. This is probably one of the hardest things you will ever do. I know, I've been married 25 years. I've really only ever been with my H and thought that we would grow old together. Things were just to the point where we were financially comfortable, kids were older and more self-reliant, we could travel, etc. And them bam. And he looks awful. I could go on and on.
You are losing sight of the fact that this does not have to be over until you say it is over. I'm with your dad. I think you keep your mouth shut and have him served at work. If it is possible to shake something loose from him, that is likely it. If not, then you will not have wasted more of your life agonizing over this. My best friend keeps reminding me that I have been doing this for 7 years. Do you want to do the same?
Have him served and stay strong. I think your guy might be somewhat like Thornton's wife. He may come sniffing immediately. Be strong if he does. Insist on real and dramatic change. Insist on boundaries, cooperation, support, etc.
But, don't do this expecting he will come back. If you do, it won't work. You will panic and show weakness and he will not believe your strength after that. Be strong, be firm. Demand your respect. Show him who you are.
Everyone here is pulling for you. Sadly no one wants to see you keep hanging on, keep hoping, keep blaming yourself and taking fewer and fewer crumbs while you teach those precious boys to do the same.
Plan some outings with friends for when he is served and immediately after. Talk to a therapist or a coach about a script and what you would need to see. I have two more coaching sessions with a great coach that I will let you have if they will let me. You can do this. You really can. Act swiftly, act with strength.
