WW in A. NC promise broke. Separation? (5th thread

[hoosjim]

Thanks, coconut.

For me, the really frustrating thing at this point is that I think that, left to her own devices, she might actually have come around by now. Unfortunately, her closest confidante and the largest influence on her life BY FAR is her wayward bff. That is a lifelong friendship and she has gotten it into her mind that bff "really has it together" and that "everything always works out for her" (just ignore the three affairs, one with husbands best friend, alcohol abuse, occasional drug use and broken marriage, okay?) and that bff "just really wants her (my W) to be happy." They talk and text constantly, and oh btw for anyone who hasn't been following my sitch, bff has become good friends with the OM in my scenario, is ticked at me for being "controlling" and invading my W's "privacy", and has, if not actively cheer-led the A, at the very least facilitated/enabled it at times. Even if bff is not actively serving as a go-between currently between W and OM, I don't really see how it's possible give the dynamics and frequent communication that stuff wouldn't leak through: "Oh, I saw OM the other day, he looked nice..." That, and, of course, the fact that bff has an extremely jaded view of mmarriage and commitment (and of me) and is almost certainly not interested in talking my W into "doing the right thing", but would rather entice her to "come out and drink with me" which my W does on a fairly regular basis.

Really, really, really unfavorable relationship for my marriage. Many moons ago, when W and I were first dating and had a period where we were apart (my now-W got cold feet and pulled way back), her bff was EXTREMELY instrumental in getting us back together. She has ALOT of influence on my W who, for some reason, looks up to her even though her (bff's) life is a bit of a train-wreck.

And, yes, I know if I am GAL-ing, etc., etc. then I wont obsess so much about what my W (and her bff) are up to, but... It's hard enough knowing she is dealing with this limerance/affair-infatuation thing (even if she is, currently, upholding NC) without also having this really bad and persuasive outside influence to deal with.

As I've said before, I really think it will take a miracle from God to turn her heart, and if that' what happens that's where I am placing the credit

It seems this BFF is indeed a possible problem.

Yup. And a (perhaps) intractable one. In our earlier go-round with counseling, the MC had actually said "that's a relationship that you may have to give up" to which W responded "well that definitely ain't happening."

And the subsequent firestorm surrounding the outing of that same BFF's affair with her husband's (my own good friend) former best friend and the multiple friendships that that has destroyed along with the turmoil it has caused to my W's bff's children (one of whom is seriously emotionally messed up by it) has not phased my W at all: "But she's as happy as I've ever seen her..." Well, I guess that makes it all okay.