Just wanted you all to know I've read everything many times and I am so appreciative of you all.
I don't feel I'm in a good place. I am struggling with my feelings. I knew this would happen coming back to reality. I'm working through it and staying busy.
We got home early afternoon Sunday. H was out with OW and her whole family riding motorcycles all day. He came in didn't say a word to me and hung out with the boys. I made sure to be on the couch instead of retreating to my room. He instead sat on my bed in my room with S6 instead of being in the living room.
Yesterday was my first day back at work. Such a depressing day with 3 deaths and one of them the same age as my baby
I leave for work at 5 am and don't get home until 830pm and with the baby up every 3 hours still I was exhausted. I got home and my dad had called me to tell me H was being strange. He left work early and went to the boys soccer practice. First time in 2 years. Then my dad said he was trying to hNg out with him. Kept going to his room making small talk. Then when I walked in the door he said hello and told the boys to leave me be so I could relax and take a shower. Then he took the baby and told me so I could eat and watch tv and relax. I declined and said that I wanted to spend time with the baby since I had been gone all day.
He then retreated to the couch and didn't speak to anyone. I woke up to all the laundry being done and dishes done and put away. He's not done that in over a year. My dad said he wouldn't be surprised if H came home with Flowers's saying he made a mistake. I told my dad I am more suspicious when he's like this because to me I believe it's his guilty conscience ... usually when he's nice it's because something is going his way, when he's a dick it's because something didn't go his way. Anyway moral of the story he's nuts and delusional and I cannot wait for him to not come here anymore so that I don't have to be around his nonsense. I still don't want a D even though I'm filing but I don't want junk here with the way he's acting
So I'm mentally and physically exhausted. I am struggling with the finality of filing for D. I said from the beginning I wouldn't be the one to file and ow I'm having tic go against it. I still don't want to have to file but I feel I have no choice from a financial perspective to protect myself and the boys. I go on Thursday to have everything notarized and he will be served August 16 o r 17th just depends on the sheriff schedule.
Is this the right choice? Should I have him served at work or give him the papers myself?
Should I do it unannounced like that at work. He literally has NO clue it's coming. I mean none what so ever. Should I ask him to leave first? I have held everything off until the house payment is paid August 15 because if I do ANYTHING I imagine he won't pay the payment so that's why this has been the date all lacking because I'll have a little financial sercuritt now that I am working some.
Just looking for guidance on what's the best thing.
Was wondering if after he pays the payment I ask him to leave the day or two before he's served. My dad wants me to just have him served and not ask him to leave before this way he's caught off guard. I just need some neutral opinions that aren't as involved as my family is. I feel pulled in so many different diredctuons. I feel backed into a corner.
Is it wrong of me to still want to have hope that my H may turn around? Does this mean there's something wrong with me? I know he's not good right now but I still haven't accepted this as my life forever.
Am I wasting my time hoping one day in the future he may wake up?
