Thanks AnotherStander. Patience is something I needed to work on anyway. Before I discovered about OM I was hoping maybe at the end of the summer we would have brought the train back on track.
I just don't consider it an A. If it is anything it's an emotional connection. But when she was doing that she was acting like I was the OM. She kept her nude body hidden from me. Then when we got closer, every time we took steps back because I brought up OM. Now that I stopped bringing him up she is getting closer and closer. I just don't see how she would then suddenly go back and try to add another R to her 'workload'.
Unless she is lying to me. Unless OM and her are exchanging sexual texts. Unless they are plotting their move...but if that is the case the volume reduced. Does he need to be out of the picture? I don't see how he CAN stay around but as I have said quite a few times now...she needs to stop being afraid of me. AND she needs to see a future with me.
Compared to what I read in other sitch I am grateful that her baby steps have been at times big leaps but W is basically setting the pace with them.
As to your Passive Aggressive comment. You're right. Basically I saw doodler's comment and it reinforced that maybe I have been played. I am finally getting over that fear the past few weeks. But here is where my trust in W plays a role too. Two weeks ago I expressed myself based on an expectation I had and instead of framing it as a question I expressed an assumption. W and I discussed it the next day and she brought up how sometimes I say things that she knows I don't intend but come across as not being the issue at hand. Her immediate reaction was anger and frustration but she took the time to reflect on it and we calmly discussed it. That is what I mean when I say it seems W is giving it a genuine effort. The only other explanation is that she sees me as a project where she wants to make me into a better husband for the next W but then she would basically walk away from a better version of me which just doesn't make sense!
We shall see.
Either way. I have a better marriage waiting for me OR I can walk away knowing that I treated her with respect and respected her desire for space and time and showed compassion towards her. If the former, I would continue to have to act in this way to best fit her needs so I take it now as important practice time.
I will ask during my IC how to go about inquiring if NC with OM has been achieved. It may be what the counselor hinted at two weeks ago when she told me to focus also on what I need. But then the apology happened. Anyway no need to rehash everything again.
