CaliGuy - thank you for sharing that post. I find it really helpful. I feel guilty for saying this, but there are time when I do want my H to be miserable. To punish him? Maybe. To make him feel regret/remorse? Perhaps. Retribution? Yea, a little.
I suppose if I ever get to the point of being able to forgive, perhaps those feelings will go away.
Forgiveness seems to be a reemerging theme. I, like others, have struggled with what exactly does it mean. I think it means something different for everyone. For me, it happens incrementally.
One thing my therapist pointed out that I found really helpful, so in the hopes I can contribute something I will pass it on. He told me granting forgiveness does not mean trusting the person again. He reminded me that people often confuse trust and forgiveness.