I just don't see it as being very productive right now.
As to being used as a doormat I highly doubt that. The only benefit my W has for this right now is that her colleagues don't know there are challenges and the fact that if she lives on her own it will be rougher financially on her. In fact, any time I even suggested how I felt by all this she made a real effort to comfort me and validate that I have worth as a man. That maybe two good people just cannot make it work (she hasn't said that in weeks...which makes me think she is moving closer and closer back towards me.)
Instead she isn't cold, mean or distant anymore. She does a lot of 180s on her own and validates that I am making improvements. She now openly apologized about having sex with someone else and expressed she felt shame and now guilt about it. She has NOT corrected the IC when she said this is closure and a path forward for us. After the first MC she mentioned how she wasn't ready to let OM go after the counselor said that probably should happen. And three weeks later is when I broke down and said I see no future for our MC with OM involved which then led my W to explain her fear and why she wants OM around. That is when IC started for her and three weeks later she apologizes for this.
Honestly, I don't know how much contact she has with OM but it's at most a few texts every now and then. I am positive our MC brings it up to her in IC and I wouldn't be surprised if there is pretty much NC. There is just no reason for me to bring it up. What do I gain? If she went NC my W just got reinforced she messed up and I am insecure about it. If she is still talking she feels ashamed and perhaps guilty.
Kicking her out right now wouldn't make me feel better. It would increase the chances more people would know about what happened (which decreases our chances to reconcile). It might make my W realize she needs to openly recommit and reconcile but she is kind of doing that right now through her actions.
Most importantly I needed to do 180s and her seeing those help us reconnect.
Imagine I kick her out and she gets the job offer. It just further complicates things.
