I am completely new to this forum and forums in general, but I just feel like I need some advice and support form others that might be experiencing something similar.
I have been with my husband for 7 years and married for 2 and a half. Living separately for 6 months.
My husband gave me the 'talk' in December saying 'i love you but I am not in love with you...' etc etc. Timing was awful as we had just exchanged on a house 5 days before and a month before that I had my second miscarriage, I was not expecting it as he had been loving, supportive about the miscarriage up to this point and was looking forward to our new house. But the catalyst seemed to be meeting some woman at his work on Wednesday, sleeping with her on Friday and then telling me our marriage is over on Sunday! Although he did not tell me about the OW, I found out a few days later when I saw it on his phone. He said he had reevaluated his life (also got a new promotion at work) and could no longer see a future with me and wouldn't discuss anything with me.
December and January are all now a bit of a crazy blur as I did not know what to make of H behavior, it was all over the place. He was declaring love for this woman and that he wanted to marry her and have children with her after 5 minutes and then cold and detached towards me. He agreed to come to counselling, on the basis of working out separating, he came to 2 sessions, which were horrible and pretty much as Michelle describes in her book! He did not come back after that and I went and sought my own counselling with someone else, which I found really helpful.
He continued to be up and down. At the end of January we both had to move our of our apartment and when the day finally came there was a moment of clarity, or it seemed like it. He showed emotion for the first time and he said he felt like he had been drunk for 2 months and just woken up. He said he loved me and it wasn't the end for us and that he just needed some time to sort himself out. He then started saying he wanted to get back together and I thought that was true. He kept that up for a couple weeks and then we met up and it was really nice but afterwards he seemed to cool off again. He has been up and down ever since. Alluding to wanting to get back together, telling me he loves me, but then still seeing this OW (although no longer being quite so insane about it) and not actually doing anything to commit to working on our marriage or making a decision about anything. We still message everyday, which I feel keeps me trapped but at the same time, I don't want to cut it off in case that is a mistake. He has now said that he wants to talk with me and said he will say things this time and not just say 'i don't know' which is what usually happens. He said he wants to listen and before he wasn't interested.
I don't want to give up, I want to work on our marriage, but I am so frustrated with this yo yo behavior. I think its a MLC, but I really don't know. I also don't know how best to deal with this 'talk'. If it ever happens, he has already cancelled and rearranged 3 times!
Just don't know if I am being an idiot and giving myself false hope that this may turn around. I have also just found out i'm pregnant, which complicates things a million times and is the worst timing ever (silly mistake when met up with my husband)! I haven't said anything yet, and I don't want to until I know that this pregnancy is ok.
