Leah, part 4

[leahsue]

Thanks, ladies! So far, no painful 2x4s. Just loving cautiousness.

Treasur, yes, I think I like to think of it that way- doing nothing toward D right now is an option. It doesn't take away my power to go ahead and file at any given time.

Ownit, I'm so sorry you were weepy. Call me later if you feel like it.
((((( )))))

25, warnings taken. I appreciate yours, and everyone's, honesty and truth-telling in my possible blind spots.
I DO concede that he is not committed to the M. But then again, at this point neither am I. And I think after yesterday, we both fully understand that. At the same time, I don't think either of us is committed to a D AT THIS TIME. I guess that's the difference that yesterday made to me. Prior to seeing him in person, I just did not know. And although I still don't know and can never know, his intentions for the future, I'm more sure of my own. And that is that they are not based on what he does or doesn't do with our relationship. It's what I will choose to do. And there's huge freedom in that for me.
Financially, yes, at the first sign of my not seeing the money each week, I will take action. I don't know that I will ever trust his words again. But back in January, I would have. And since we don't have joint assets for him to be hiding in the first place, there's only what lies ahead that he can steal or hide from me. Some of that, I can control, but some of that, if he chooses to do that, are really out of my control. As long as my needs and wants are being met,my future inheritance is secure in my name only, and my retirement is only mine, I stay on his excellent health insurance, then I think I'm OK. I will go back and meet with my mom's $ guy though, just to be sure I'm doing all I should be doing.
We did not discuss details of OW. He knows I know a name, and that he has been with others since me. He was under the impression (from other family members) that I have also dated. I didn't really dwell on that. I may feel differently about other people as I wade through this, and if I do, then I will file. For now, we are separated, and living our own lives, which may or may not include each other down the line. And today, I'm OK with that. This turn of events is still very, very fresh and raw. I just don't know how I'll feel even tomorrow. I don't want to file or not file depending on my feelings on any given day, though. I want to know I am doing the right thing when I do take that action. I'm just not there yet.