A familiar story with questions. II

[RR17]

Thanks for your helpful reply.
I do understand boundaries to a better extent as defined by this group. I also know that several other sources have a little different take. Really doesn't matter, like you said WW/WAW are almost useless to set boundaries with.

But for all you boundaries fans, yes I told her 3 years ago, that if I caught her cheating again, it would be over. Told her in MC.

I guess you know now not to do that. Your job is to REMOVE ALL PRESSURE (assuming you don't want D). That means no R talks, no D talks, no "serious" talks at all really unless she initiates them.

Yes, this was before I became versed.

Quote:
Is it stupid to think that the reality and finality of a D has settled in, that and the lower pressure sitch that I created by following the rules? That that is the cause of her change in attitude?


Probably not, it's far too early in the sitch for her to be changing her mind. I mean anything is possible, but it would be very unusual.

It has become aware to me that my reason for feeling this way is become of some show of empathy. Last night she asked if I was Okay. Wow, that doesn't come easily from her. It sure didn't come when she was involved in the EA the last go-round.
This is a person that shoves down her own feelings, let alone take on someone else's. DR says believe what you see not what you hear.

Temperature checking is not a good idea, but we all end up doing it at some point. Here's the thing about temperature checking- you are not going to hear what you want to hear. Here's why- if she changes her mind and wants the M back YOU WILL BE THE FIRST TO KNOW. So the very fact that you have to ask means that she is not there yet, and thus whatever answer she give you will NOT be the one you want. In fact it will most likely make you sad, upset and sorry you asked.

I do feel comfort knowing that we all do it. I'm really okay hearing about anything, once in the right mind. I also don't take it at face value. Mixed signals are the torture when you are trying to be intentional with your actions. AKA DBing

I agree that in most cases once the W makes up her mind that she wants the M, that the H should be the first to know. Except with my W. Communication is the real problem here. IMHO. She can't express herself and I don't read minds.

Well I did tippy toe into that territory and she said she felt the same. Whatever that means, IDK.
I also asked her what are some things that she thought I needed to work on. After several minutes and searching, she said that I was standoffish and that sometimes I cussed too much.
I inquired about the standoffish and the best I could get was unapproachable. I'm sure this is in response to the fact that I have claimed that she didn't show affection.