Looking for some advice

[mxdup]

Newbie here looking for some advice. Two months ago my wife of 5 years (friends for many years before that) suddenly decided that she wants to be single again. Says there's nobody else just that she misses having a small apartment to maintain and "not having to do everything around here". I asked her to go to marriage counseling and she agreed. During our sessions she tells the counselor that I'm her best friend but she wants to leave me because there's no passion, I'm not fun and our life is too routine.

Within several appointments he asks to meet with me one on one. During this session he tells me that I am harboring shame from childhood and that I'm codependent. He proceeds to tell me to stop trying to please my wife because it's not working and is actually pushing her away. He wants me to only do things that I want to do. Stop doing things to please her and stop fishing for compliments. He said he is going to teach me how to detach from her.

After reading a few codependency books, they all seem to say that the codependent is in love with a narcissist and that they must get away. Essentially narcissists are the devil and you must run from them at all costs. My wife has some of these narcissistic traits (lots of people probably do) but she was in the past someone who cared very deeply for me and our relationship. Is there any chance that my shame/codependency issues are what really caused the issues in our relationship? Am I trying to save a marriage that shouldn't be saved? Is my counselor trying to tell me to get away from her?

I also feel like I should mention that now months later my wife is still sleeping in our marital bed with me and has made zero effort to leave. She still rejects affection and complains about me as a husband on a fairly regular basis but also thanks me for household tasks. She seems to check most of the boxes for a MLC.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.