So I'm stuck. I took a break from literally everything including this. I was at a place I did not like. Me and W went NC for about 5 days then she asked if I wanted to ride with her to drop her mom off at her sister in Florida since she doesn't drive. I wanted to go because NC with her usually means she's conjuring up something.
So of course we get along great in person which makes this rough. It was like we had no problems in the world. I let her bring up our R. I had such a bad few weeks that I cried in front her. Probably second time in 7 years. I lost it. She then said it kills her to see me cry, she hates where we are at, etc. She then asked about our R if we D. I told her I want nothing to do with her (Cant remember what I said but it was in a more pleasant way). She then began to cry and said something to the tune of that's not fair or what she wants. Im thinking in my head that that's ludicrous but all I said that its not appropriate to be with OM and still be friends with H. She started balling after that and said she hates her life and such.
Man I keep posting the same crap which is getting very old and giving me anxiety which I never had before. So I see it a few ways. D now, keep this same dynamic going, or more or less DTR and let her make the choice. I'm inclined to go with the third option because I'm no where remotely close to want to date anyone but I tried #3 several times and get sucked back in just when I think progress is being made. I'm certainly not happy now so it would be unfair for someone else. My identity is what I'm really struggling with. First time single as an adult.
I know W is not evil so its not an intentional game but I guess unconsciously she cant let me go fully so she's throwing me some scraps. Dang if I was really good H pre BD, I think I would be gone in a flash.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
