...and having to realise that my STBXH is so keen to see the back of me that he will agree to almost anything.
Mine is financially handicapping himself because it was so important to get away from me. Somehow the impact of his choices (where I gave him what he wanted and left) are also my fault. He truly believes he's found clarity, and that any mistakes were made back when he met me and mistakenly trusted me.
However, mine would also avoid court with his emotionally abusive ex-wife at all costs because "women always win." Guess who is suing me? That doesn't quite fit. I'm trying to remain humorous about it, because I'm a great deal smarter than his ex...
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Why do you think MLCers hate us so strongly?
I think there is an element of wanting to get rid of the old life, and we're a reminder. I think there is also a drive to get rid of anyone who 'sees' them, as vulnerability is seen as dangerous. And it feels so dangerous for them to look inside themselves that they desperately search the external, and who better to blame than the person they chose to have by their side every day?
They're adult men operating on a child's operating system.
It's hard. I'm somewhat happy that he's standing up for himself. I just wish he'd do it with the women who mistreat him and use him. But I'm also trying my hardest to detach from caring about him and what he does to his life. It hurts to be hated out of nowhere by someone who used to be my biggest fan. He also wanted me to feel treasured and cherished, and then took that security away in an instant.
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The email to his L is an interesting insight into an MLC head actually. Struggles with dates, says he can't remember a lot of things including his own previous employment pension! Lot of lies and half-truths, and a tone which is partly self-pitying and partly full of entitlement.
Yes, H called my mother, looking for me since I wasn't returning his calls. She put him on speakerphone so her BF could hear (BF used to be H's biggest fan) and both of them walked away from the call disturbed by his voice. It was either this callous, controlling, entitled voice or a wavering childlike voice that was shaking as if he was on the verge of tears.
They said the old H doesn't seem to be there anymore. I agree.
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Sometimes I just want to cry...I've no idea how this became my life. Or what I did to deserve such horrible and comprehensive rejection by someone who loved me. Press on through the pain in hope of only having to do it once, right?
I'm sorry, Treasur. I wish there were some way to make it better for you. You deserve peace and happiness.
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I think it was probably shameful for him when the divorce process meant he had to show things he'd hidden and that was maybe part of his procrastination, rather than a remnant of feeling for me.
I believe it's probably both, rather than either/or. I understand if you want to believe otherwise, but I don't believe feelings just disappeared. I think they are buried because that's what's comfortable for him and allows him to do all of this.
I think MLC is a repression of the present day truth so that the childhood issues can resurface and be dealt with. I think when the MLC is over - if they go through the stages and come out the other side - the repression reverses, except there is less from the past to be shoved down, since it's finally been dealt with (if they chose to do that.)
I can only think of it as sudden mental illness that took the man I loved. Maybe he'll beat it, or maybe he won't. I can't help him with it; he's made sure of that by symbolically burning everything we had to the ground.
