Hi. This is my first post, although I have been reading this site for over four years. I just wanted to say to you that you are not alone. My situation is very similar and I think I truly understand and can empathise with you and your situation. You, OwnIt and I could have quite the chinwag.

Not to highjack but to give background, my husband was a vanisher to the best of his ability since first OW was discovered in 2013. Always maintained some contact and twice had some hope set that he was leaving the tunnel. Have come to the conclusion that he is too weak or cowardly to do the work to fight his demons and, out of the blue, he stealthily filed for divorce January of this year. He has been dragging his feet and either has a bad lawyer or dumb a "dumb as a fox" lawyer while husband is either burying his head in the sand or just lying to me while thinking he is clever. After his lawyer avoiding mine and the exchange of financial info., and not sending in writing agreeing to not file for Divorce Absolut until financial agreement is in place, I got the Divirce Nisi in the mail. Now heading to mediation appt to protect myself.

I, too, am struggling with my old husband vs. Imposter or, my new theory, my real husband who couldn't keep up the charade of being nice and loving any longer and maybe MLC husband is the real husband. I do understand the reluctance to admit there is that tiny sliver of hope. This seems to be the only place to let that vulnerability show with others who totally get it. I feel once I let go of that sliver the door will slam shut forever. I hope I am not being presumptuous in relating my situation and feelings to yours. Maybe I should start my own thread but feel like now my marriage is winding down and is on its last legs it would not benefit others.

You are an inspiration to me and I think you are handling things really well. I think our situations are in the minority on here because we have been hanging on for so long and it is difficult for people to understand that the situation is so fluid. Thank you for your honesty and sharing your story.


Me 54. H 49 MLC/WAH
T-2004 M-2005
No kids
BD 6/13 ILYBN h moves out
OW 4/13
2ndOW 11/13 on and off but still on. Overlap with first. Can't be alone.

Me-54 H-49
T-1. M-7
BD 6/13 ILYBN I threw him out
OW - 3/13
OW2 on and off Overlap w/Ow1and OW3
OW3 - 8/17
H filed 1/17