24 Mths in..I gotta whole lot of living to do now

[Treasur]

I see it as both/and, 25. I think my H had psychological weak spots from FOO (nurture). Severe depression seems to be an immeasurable mix of situation/biochemistry.(both?) And the way he handled his own crisis looked like a mixture of free choice, textbook depression and unhealthy emotional coping skills.

I think we do reach our own viewpoint in our own sitch/M. I guess for me:
- the person I loved would not have freely chosen to destroy his whole life and be under psychiatric care, no more than my mother would have chosen dementia
- easier for me because I saw him fall apart into a shaking, frightened suicidal mess in the first few months and a lot of his behaviour has been frankly weird and nothing to do with our M
- blame doesn't really change anything. I choose to love this human being quietly regardless. If he had ever asked for my forgiveness, and for his own mental health a bit like an alcoholic, he would also need to accept that he is accountable for the effect of his behaviour no matter the cause, I suppose.