So I come up for air from the college search long enough to see this ... this has been a topic of discussion in my IC for the past two months, including tonight's session.

I feel like I understand what happened, what the contributing factors were on both sides that caused my marriage to end.

A part of me feels no forgiveness is necessary as I know he is suffering.

Another part of me is hurt, angry, etc that he bailed on us. That exh was quite simply not capable of keeping his commitment to me and our family.

Trying to hold the two in balance is exhausting work.

To me what is meant by "Forgiveness is for ourselves" - my exh doesn't need to hear me say those words. I'm trying to get to a point where I truly feel it in my heart. I know the day that I heal that split between no forgiveness is necessary and the other side which is quite opposite, that's the day I will be truly free.

For me- and this is just for me, so take it for what that's worth- I believe that forgiveness like joy is a choice. Forgiveness is something private that I acknowledge deep within so that I can be truly free. It's not acceptance. Acceptance is understanding. Forgiveness is several steps beyond understanding. It allows my exh to truly be whomever it is he chooses to be. It has elements of equanimity, love, letting go, and compassion is its foundation.

This is just my definition of it.

just my $.02.

back to the college search xoxoxo

M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver