Sandi, as I would imagine most of us here do, I take your post very seriously. I am trying to understand.
Based on your post, your initial iritation was due to your W being nice and acting as if nothing has happened. I think Rose and I were trying to say that your W "acting as if" isn't really boundary material ("She doesn't get to act as if nothing has happened"). Nevertheless, if you had set that as one of your boundaries.........then what was the consequence of breaking it? See what I mean? That was what I wanted you to see. To have an effective boundary, is to have consequences. IMO, I thought you were really wanting to talk to your W......and was looking for something to justify a R talk, based on how your statement read of boundaries and R talk. But now, you are frustrated. I apologize if I have confused you.
Theoden makes good suggestions. In your last post you said it was the not knowing that was really eating at you. I assume you mean not knowing if there is OM? If that's the case, then hire someone to find out. However, I doubt it will affect the D.
If you were referring to not knowing what your W found out at the lawyer's office.......then just ask her. But don't try to call it a boundary. Also, she has the right not to reveal what she found out.........just as you wouldn't have to tell her what your lawyer said.
Quote:
She has slowly added terms of endearment back into the routine. Kisses goodbye for the day etc.
Maybe she found out she wouldn't get as much as she thought. Who knows?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
