Irish do you think there comes a time where it is no longer possible to forgive? If not for yourself, because of your Ds?
I have tried to forgive. But how can one forgive someone who does not ask to be forgiven or even shows and remorse or accepting of their behavior.
If she had owned it. I could find myself to forgive. The D's will have their own forgiveness to give. If they choose to.
My current situation .. no forgiveness is needed as it will not be taken as forgiveness. It will be taken as brushing it under the rug. Forgetting about it.
myself, i decided i am now indifferent to it all. Couldn't care less. It doesn't affect me. I don't dwell on it.
everything is in her court. She will have to one day decide what she wants. until then i keep living, loving my girls and making memories that will last forever.
D15 had an amazing day yesterday. Dad48 was a little tired. lol
this week we will be kayaking with belugas and grey whales. I'll go-pro the heck out of it. We should leave for that region on Wednesday for 5 days. Lets pray the rain stays away. This summer has had its share.
So yesterday, D15 was having a great day. Went around town activities and finished at the cinema. When we got home. yup, flowers on the doorstep. D17 said it looked like someone left them on a memorial site. Just leaning on the door. D15 started to get upset.
Why does she have to ruin my day.
I told D17 to look at the card , maybe its from someone else. Maybe from my parents as they are out of town.
Nope its from her.
D15 takes them and dumps them in the garbage. Says I'm writing her
an hour later she comes out of the office. says its done.
Now i don't know what she wrote and i wont go there. D17 just asked D15 , do you feel better getting it out of your system.
D15 said YES, lets make smores outside. in which we did.
No reply from XW. none wanted.
Tuesday is birthday 2. my parents are back and I'm making my smoked ribs. D15 will love it. It will be a surprise
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
As much as we the LBS feel that betrayal, I would imagine its even worse for your girls who at the age they are at could really use the mother as well .. lets be honest us fellas can only say and do so much in that arena. I will say just by reading and observing that the R your 2 daughters have with each other is whats getting them through this and something that I would guess is going to last far beyond the MLC crisis ... silver linings right?
Indifference is absolutely the place to be in all this ... I hae found its where peace lives.
My current situation .. no forgiveness is needed as it will not be taken as forgiveness. It will be taken as brushing it under the rug. Forgetting about it.
This is a tough concept. I have spent some time trying to understand why forgiveness *really* is for us. We know that it's for healing. We hear that all the time.
But I read somewhere that the real reason we forgive is because we, none of us, are so perfect that we would not need forgiveness ourselves. To forgive is to admit that deep down we would want to be forgiven if we did the unforgivable. And yes, it is to admit that we too could do the unforgiveable.
It's certainly not easy to do.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Hi Irish , just on the forgiveness thing, is it necessary or even needed ? Imho no. We move on and we let go of our upset , we let go of the love we had for them and we get on with our lives , hopefully meet someone special and live our lives.
Your Ds are going through alot , their lives would be tough anyway due to the whole teenager thing but they have so much more to deal with. Exw sending flowers is understandable but obviously so is d15s reaction.
Your doing a great job and being mum and dad. Carry on making memories that they will cherish.
Irish, may I stick my head in and comment on the subject of forgiveness?
Quote:
I have tried to forgive. But how can one forgive someone who does not ask to be forgiven or even shows and remorse or accepting of their behavior.
Forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a choice. The other person asking for our forgiveness is not a prerequisite. It's not even necessary to tell them you forgive them. That's a personal decision for you.
Quote:
If she had owned it. I could find myself to forgive.
It seems to make it a little more easy when they come to us broken-hearted and humbly ask for our forgiveness. Real strength is required for us to forgive those who are arrogant and stupid. Forgiveness is not based on their abilities......but our own. It is not based on their character, but our own. Forgiveness is not merited, for it is truly an act of grace. Therefore, they will never deserve forgiveness.
Quote:
My current situation .. no forgiveness is needed as it will not be taken as forgiveness. It will be taken as brushing it under the rug. Forgetting about it.
It is not our responsibility as to how they take our forgiveness. Forgiveness is not condoning the offense. It is not forgetting the offense. And yes, forgiveness is for us, for without it.....we carry a cancer within ourselves and it eats away from the inside out until we no longer are recognizable. Unforgiveness is a thief that robs our peace and joy. Our forgiveness may not be desired, appreciated, or recognized by the other person......but it surely is needed for our own spirit to be free.
((Irish))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
I think it is a gift..we give it because we can- not because the other asks or even deserves it not for me to judge..the gift is for me..for my growth and maybe it will help the other as well we forgive so we can teach our kids to forgive we forgive and we are free-
sometimes it starts by just changing a thought from fear or hurt or anger to love:
I wish them the best I hope they are blessed I hope they are happy and have everything in Life I would want for myself
we say it each time that person come to mind eventually we believe it we do lovingly let them go It is for the best 70X7
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
