Really, I should let my W log in here and answer that ;-)

but I have given her quite a bit of space compared to what I normally did. If we do things together roughly 75% of the time she initiates it. But often now at home I allow her to have time for herself. It's her who often wants to do things. Several times that involves other people as well.

As far as cake eating goes. I am fairly positive that part is over. But of course I have no guarantee for that. It just doesn't make sense to me if she is still in pursuit of an A why she would do the things she has done lately. She could have simply done the bare minimum. She could have also insisted on seeing him. She could have moved out and while that would mean she would have to readjust her life to some degree it would greatly make her life easier if she really wanted to spent time with OM.

I believe her when she said she felt lonely and thought I didn't care about her. I also believe her that she felt trapped and controlled and how OM right now is the only person who doesn't know me. It's THIS component that gives me the biggest reason to show grace and compassion and not insist she stops talking to him.

As to OM I also believe W when she says he has offered to go NC but she asked him not to because she was afraid. When I recognized legitimate fear in her words when she told the MC this I decided to stop focusing on OM. But it seems that role was taken over by the IC (which essentially started mid July). W said she had to work with IC to shift from shame to guilt.

I do agree with others on here that OM being around isn't ideal. But quite frankly it's not what I am focused on. My main goal is to show W what she would walk away from. She has already said how much more she likes who I have become and she has recognized her own complicity in where our MR became jeopardized. She validates how much I changed and she seems to recognize I am not sacrificing anything about myself in doing so.

Let's also grant her some patience. I did NOT expect her to apologize (and do so sincerely) this soon. I expected that I would have to ask her before recommitting to her. She said yesterday how she thinks we are getting along way better so I am taking it step by step.

If I NOW insist on NC with OM I also worry she might get afraid again or she might become angry. I just don't see any gain in this. There is also no way for me to check that there is NC unless I insist on checking her phone and computer...and I really don't want to NOR does that seem the right moment.

If she isn't openly disrespecting me or mocking me (things she had done throughout the years and early on in April and May). If she isn't hanging out with OM (or expressing a desire to do so). If she isn't mean or cold or distant towards me? What reason do I have to bring it up?

What if she told OM after she told me the apology on Friday to go NC? What if that had already happened?
What if she isn't ready to say that because OBVIOUSLY if she admits to going NC she would have to admit she is ready to recommit?

I probably bring it up on Saturday during my IC. But at the same time I trust our MC to work with W on this during her own IC.

Most importantly, I accept responsibility for what I failed to provide in the MR. Since W is doing this to a significant degree as well I am honestly not worried about anything other than continue to work on myself and continuing to present myself in the best way possible. I am learning how to also focus on my own needs.