Treasur - I'd been wondering what happened to my mind-reading turban - sorry that it's on the fritz. It hadn't been the same since one of the cats did something embarrassing in it.
I too have a vanisher and know well the frustration of having no clue at all as to what direction they have gone through the woods.
I know for my part that there has been a tendency to expect logic and some sort of "plan" from our former spouses and for them to act like responsible adults. It is a bit of a coincidence that both of our spouses have popped up around the same time.
There are some big differences in our mind-sets I think based on what I read in your recent posts. Sorry - I haven't been following along but the turban reference caught my eye. In your case you seem to still feel that he can be "fixed" based on the references you make to having a counselor (presuming IC type and not legal type) present during mediation. You also are hoping for some clarity and understanding in the possible upcoming meetings. And finally, you are indeed still "standing" and hoping for a return and to be able to "win him back". Or so it seems. I'm perfectly accepting of being wrong here. Again, I've not been following along.
In my case I have no expectation of a "return". Whether my STBX is happy or not, I have no idea. I do honestly hope that she has found the happiness that she was chasing after even if it doesn't involve me. If during the meeting that I will be having in a couple of weeks she does hint at wanting to return, it would be a tough sell. She would have to win "me" back. In the mean-time she's just someone I used to know.
Vanishers are both a blessing and a curse. They are easier to "drop the rope" with but the lack of information means that we have to navigate our way through the woods without any sign-posts.
I hate to swing the 2X4s or to dash hope but you are making plans for him and counseling without any knowledge. Having expectations crushed is much more painful than limbo at least to me. I would suggest keeping an open mind, "listen" to what he says, "watch" what he does when you meet and then go from there.
Good luck and sorry again about the faulty turban.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
