Finding my way out of the dark - Part 3

[Holding]

Thanks, Dusty, Doodler, and AS! Thanks for the confirmation that GAL is the way to go for now. This week will be a better GAL week for me, as the kids will be out of town with grandparents for most of it.

So if I understand correctly, she wanted to talk to you about communication and you ignored her and kept your attention on your tablet. Basically you are reinforcing her belief that you are the problem with communications, and that D really is the only answer because when she points out a specific problem to you, you still don't acknowledge it. Maybe you're done, but if you're not then next time, set the tablet down, look her in the eyes and listen to her! If you don't want to talk about selling the house at that time then just tell her "W, I am not prepared to talk about selling the house right now, can we discuss that on (give her a time and date)?" If the D is moving forward you need to have that convo no matter how painful.

The first half of the convo, where we talked about communication, I wasn't looking at my tablet. But when she wanted to talk about selling the house, splitting time with the kids, etc., I picked up the tablet to show I wasn't interested in talking about that (in addition to actually saying I didn't want to talk about it). I know that convo needs to happen, but W has ideas on how things should go, which I don't agree with. So I'm trying to not have a convo that she might claim was a "verbal agreement" to something when it wasn't.

All the convos we have are always on her terms. It's always about moving the D closer to the finish line. She wants to discuss details on how to split things, when I'm not ready and haven't fully consulted with my L.

I'm just curious why you didn't respond, were you angry? Dismissive? Or did you think it was the right thing to do from a DB'ing perspective? It's a serious question, sometimes people misinterpret some of the DB'ing guidelines.

Good question. I guess I was mostly angry - like she thinks she can get me in line with a few pleasantries. I was also shocked that she said it after so long, so I was also screaming to myself "WTF!?!" And I want her to understand that I will not be her friend or buddy when this is all over. Like I've said, I'm not being a DB purist at this point, since I really feel this is too far gone to save. I have to protect myself now.