Jim, it sounds like your W is grieving the loss of OM. This is a really, REALLY frustrating part of recon, the WAS is actually grieving the loss of that scumbag dirtball OM that nearly broke your M? How dare she grieve some loser you just want to beat the snot out of, right? LOL! But she liked the fun and excitement of sneaking around and doing something forbidden, and the idea of a new, better life with him. Now it's back to the same old dumpy life (in her mind). Of course that imaginary life was just that, it wasn't going to happen. And the NEW life with you doesn't have to be dumpy, but you have to show her that. So what do you do while she grieves? Well first of all, just understand that while it IS NOT FAIR to you, she IS grieving and you should try to give her time and space for that. Second, she no doubt still blames you so there's going to be some anger and resentment there, and the best thing you can do is (again) give her time and space. Like TXH said- leave her alone, do your thing, go be your awesome self
