I sort of take 25yearsmlc's take on this: I don't accept any disrespect towards me so if she wanted to hang out I would bring it up BUT she hasn't seen him in over a month, she barely even brings him up. Instead she went from "you pushed me towards him" to "well I regret how things ended up" to "maybe I shouldn't have slept with him" to now "sorry I had sex with someone else". With the latter she showed genuine remorse and guilt which she hadn't quite shown. The MC knows that she talked to OM as a friend and I NOW know in her IC W and MC discuss how to approach apologizing to me. I DOUBT the MC doesn't also encourage her to go NC. We already know that W has said once she recommits she knows what to do. She hasn't said she is in love with me but she hasn't said that she wants out of the marriage either (and she used to say that almost weekly the past few years).
Her actions and behaviors over the past few weeks all confirm we are on the road back. It's awkward, difficult and at times rough but for the most part these past few weeks have been amazing. But there is almost a decade to be overturned. This will take time. We may not get there.
Do I want W to go NC? Absolutely. Do I believe her that it may be NOW a friendship? Yes. Do I believe this is something that can continue? I am not sure BUT OM isn't going to leave Florida. Honestly, the moment I stopped worrying was the moment I felt better about myself and have been way calmer. (the MC has helped tremendously) In turn W has reduced her fear of me and increasingly has been vulnerable around me.
I have been pretty consistently changing how I act as a husband since mid April HOWEVER, I had emotional meltdowns and it's usually about OM. Now that I have moved from really being bothered by it (the worst they do is text and I am roughly 85% convinced it's non sexual) I have been able to do 180s on most things I needed to do 180s on.
My W went from laughing in April at the thought that we could go to MC and could turn it around to now openly looking at how quickly I could move with her IF she gets the job offer. If we shouldn't believe anything they say but trust half their actions I don't see ANY action as a problem (other than perhaps the non-NC).
W also went from feeling powerless and controlled by me to now increasingly empowered and she sees I encourage her. She now sees (thanks to MC) that most of what she sees as controlling was genuine love and affection I had for her. I need to stop "rescuing" her all the time but she is now hearing it from a MC she trusts and appreciates.
Are we there yet? hell no!
But she and OM are NOT together. Were they creating a life together when I discovered the PA? Absolutely.
