WW in A. NC promise broke. Separation? (5th thread

[hoosjim]

Thanks, all, for the suggestions. Some of these I am already doing and others look really fun/intriguing. I am becoming more and more convinced that I need to just move on and, if she "comes back", she comes back. But it is very hard.

I am wondering how I should go about doing that, however. I had a really good catalyst with the discovery of the second burner phone and the continued contact, but now I am just kind of in limbo. While I still can't say I would trust her, she came to me completely contrite sounding/appearing and has to all appearances finally cut contact with OM completely, and is acting like it (sulky, bluesy, mopey, cranky, etc.) She voluntarily turned on the tracking feature on her phone, and is checking in with me whenever she is out "on her own" or late getting back from somewhere. OTOH, since that tumultuous week with the discovery and then my confronting OM, she has been much more distant. She had been showing increasing warmth and friendliness in the two or three weeks prior (which she has said-- who knows-- also corresponded with her "trying" to get to a complete cold turkey cutoff with OM). She is also not saying she wants to try to "figure us out" as she had been right after the phone reveal but before I confronted OM. Now she seems to want to, as she says, "just let Monday be Monday and Tuesday be Tuesday" without specifically talking about where we are headed.

I have not been aggressively pursuing her, but have been trying to be friendly/open/warm/cheerful when we are around each other, but she has definitely backslid into "don't touch me it seems weird, don't compliment me it doesn't make me feel like it should, don't be nice to me it seems forced" territory at times. This is in fairly sharp contrast to where she had appeared to have "gotten to" about three weeks ago. She talks about needing time to figure herself out but then spends TONS of time talking to her wayward bff on phone. (Was going to go to parents or else down south to beach by herself for a weekend while I was away with S18 this weekend kayaking/camping but then ended up having to see the bff with another friend Friday on her way down-- she did stay in regular touch with me to let me know where she was and what she was doing). And I know bff is no friend of mine or the marriage. She has, OTOH, on her own initiative stopped by twice in the past week and half to my regular watering hole where I go regularly on Thursday to finish up my telework day on the outdoor patio with live music and sometimes on other days if the mood strikes, and we have had fun both times. (And, interestingly, she noticed and has continued to comment on that one of the waitresses/bartenders there is interested in me-- which I had considered a possibility though discounted because much younger woman but W is like "oh yes, definitely, she does NOT like it when I am sitting there with you") But... limbo. And don't see us making any progress. Maybe she is just mourning OM, but doesn't seem (or feel) healthy for me to be sitting here in this place. It hurts and is dragging me down. Problem is, now I feel like I'll be the jerk if I flip flop on her (and that is the "yo-yo" she has already complained to me about) if I say "You know, I just can't do this". Prolly the best bet I'm thinking is to just tell her "look, this isn't working, I think we need some time apart" but... I've kind of given away the initiative and the moral high ground, unfortunately, by "letting her back in" so to speak.

Confusing place to be in. Can obviously keep taking care of and growing myself-- Actually thinking of leaving the house to live out of a tent for week, just for the hell of it and because I was reminded while with S18 this weekend how much I enjoyed sleeping outdoors-- but going to have to resolve the short term dynamic between W and myself fairly soon, because I don't think the stagnancy is helping either of us. Just wish I knew something that might shake things loose.

In some ways, this feels worse than when I knew she was actively involved with OM. And I am not sure I could tell you why, but it does.